The Auditorium
by 2originalcents
Summary: The whole 'locking two people in a place over night so they fall in love' thing really does work on anybody. (T for language)
1. Chapter 1

**The fact that this fanfic hadn't occurred to me earlier is a disgrace.**

**Anyway, I'm just going to post all of the chapters in one go since I completed it last night and you guys get so few completed fics from me, I'll just post it all now.**

**Enjoy! Reviews are nice, and I own nothing.**

"We have to teach that racist asshole a lesson," Kyle told Stan, Kenny, and Token.

The four were hanging out after school, where Cartman, once again, made some insensitive comments during the annual Dr. King assembly.

"I mean, we can all ignore his stupid comments, but then he does shit like think blacks belong together!" He continued.

"I don't know, man. I mean, he is a racist piece of shit, but Nicole and I are really happy together," Token said.

"I know, but he can't keep going around thinking that's okay."

"So what do you want to do?" Stan asked him.

"I'm thinking we lock him in the auditorium with someone, see how he likes it," Kyle answered, a mischievous smile on his face.

"Do we really want to subject a girl to spending a night with him, though? That just seems cruel," Kenny muffled through his orange parka.

"I thought that too, that's why I propose we lock him in with Butters."

"Butters? Why should Butters have to suffer through this?" Stan wasn't too hot on the idea of pranking Butters along with Cartman.

"He did help Cartman lock Nicole in the locker room with me," Token explained.

"Yeah, but Butters isn't a racist, he's just an idiot," Kenny said in defense.

"Guys, do you want to teach that asshole a lesson or not?" Kyle asked, exhausted by his friends' reluctance.

"I'm in," Token said.

Stan shrugged. "I'm in."

"Fine," Kenny murmured.

"Then it's settled, tomorrow we lock those two in the school auditorium for the night."


	2. Chapter 2

**Enjoy, Reviews are nice, I own nothing.**

"Cartman, there's a sixth grader in the auditorium right now who's giving away twenty bucks to fourth graders!" Kyle said excitedly to Cartman while the latter was at his locker.

"Yeah right," Eric said. "I'm not falling for that, asshole."

"No, I'm serious!" Kyle pulled out a crisp twenty-dollar bill out of his pocket as proof. "He's just giving them out!"

Cartman looked at the bill hungrily, as if it were a double-bacon cheeseburger. "So there's seriously a guy in the auditorium giving out twenty-dollar bills just like that?"

"Yeah dude! Go check it out! Well, I have to go tell Craig and those guys too, see ya!" Kyle ran on ahead, supposedly to spread the news of free money.

Cartman closed his locker and ran to the auditorium, eager to get twenty bucks.

. . . . .

"Are you sure, Kenny? I can't sing," Butters asked his friend, who was grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him to the auditorium.

"Yeah, I'm sure the music teacher told me to get you because she wanted to give you singing pointers," Kenny replied, his voice deadpan.

He really didn't like the idea of lying to Butters, but he needed to learn his lesson that helping Cartman was not a good thing.

They stopped just outside the auditorium.

"Good luck," Kenny said, shoving Butters through the doors.

He then pulled out some chains and locks from his parka and locked that door and the one a few feet away.

. . . . .

"Hey Eric!" Butters called out when he saw his friend pacing around in the space between the stage and the front row. "Did the music teacher asked you to come here too?" He was in the back of the auditorium and walked past the rows of seats towards his friend.

"Shifty Jew! I never should have trusted him," Eric muttered under his breath as he was coming to terms with the fact that he was lied to and there was no sixth grader giving away free money.

"Hey Eric," Butters said again when he was next to him.

"Wha-Butters? What are you doing here?" He asked, snapping out of his rage-fueled reverie.

"Music teacher asked me to come."

"Oh, well she's no here yet. I'll see you later, I need to go kick Kyle's ass."

Cartman walked to the side door next to him.

"Okay. See ya, Eric." Butters waved good-bye.

When Cartman pushed the door handle to get out, the door wouldn't budge.

"What the hell?" He said. "This is the door I came in from, how is it locked?"

He kept trying, but the door was definitely locked.

"Maybe try the back doors. I came in through there, and they were open," Butters offered.

Cartman walked towards the back and Butters followed him. The doors were locked.

"Oh, hamburgers," Butters whimpered, rubbing his knuckles together.

"No. No!" Cartman rammed into the door, but it just wouldn't budge. "Hey! There's kids in here, let us out!" He banged on the door.

"Maybe we can try the backstage doors?" Butters turned around to head back to the stage but stopped. "Hey look, someone left board games and a picnic basket on the stage," he pointed and walked towards it.

Cartman turned around and his heart sank. He knew exactly what was going on now.

"This is child abuse! Now let us out right now!" He continued to yell and bang on the door.

"Hey, there's body oil in here too!" Butters called out as he was looking through the picnic basket.


	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoy, Reviews are nice, I own nothing.**

Begrudgingly, Cartman joined Butters on the stage when he realized no one was going to open the door for them that night.

Butters had a sandwich in his mouth and offered the other one to Eric, who took it and huffed as he ate.

"At least we have food, and my parents can't ground me if they know I didn't lock myself in on purpose," he said, relaxing.

"This is unbelievable. I am going to chop Kyle's balls off."

"Why would he lock me in here, too?"

"Who the fuck knows? Is there any dessert?"

"Chocolate covered strawberries," Butters said, pulling out a plastic box from the basket. He opened it and ate one, then offered some to Eric, who took one as well. "These are really good."

After their meal they opened up Shoots and Ladders and began playing that.

Butters won the first round, which didn't improve Cartman's sour mood.

"Fuck this, I don't want to play," Cartman whined, putting his head in his hands.

The two were sitting cross-legged and facing each other. Butters began putting the board game away.

"Okay, so what do you want to do?" Butters asked. When Cartman didn't reply, the blond sighed. "We're going to be here all night, Eric. So you might as well stop being grouchy, it's not like this is my fault."

"Oh, am I just suppose to be fucking thrilled that I'm stuck here all night with a fag like you?"

Butters didn't say a word of protest to that. He put the board game on top of the others and silently stood up and walked back stage.

Cartman groaned when he heard sniffling from behind the curtains. He stood up and walked towards Butters. He found the blond next to an old set design, hugging his knees to his chest and crying.

"Stop crying!" Eric yelled.

"Go away!" Butters yelled back. "It's your fault I'm stuck in here but I'm not being mean about it!"

"How is it my fault?"

Butters looked up at him. "It's always your fault. Every time something bad happens to me it's because of you."

"Fuck you, this isn't because of me!"

"You never want to take any responsibility!"

"Hey, Kyle lied to me! Kenny lied to you! I'm the victim here just as much as you are!"

"Yeah, but they wouldn't have done this if you hadn't done something awful first."

"Right, well if I'm such the bad guy, then how come they got you involved if, like you said, you did nothing wrong?"

Butters stopped to think about that. Why did they lock him in here too if they just wanted to get back at Eric?

"Probably because I'm your best friend," he answered, wiping away his tears.

"You're not my best friend, Butters."

"Who's your best friend, then?"

Cartman opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again. His go to for best friend was Kenny, but the more he thought about it the more he knew that wasn't true. He thought about all the guys at school and, in horror, realized the one person he spends the most time with is Butters.

"Okay, fine, so you are my best friend, but I didn't do anything this time," Eric said, looking away from Butters.

"And I didn't do anything either, so can you stop being so sore at me?"

"I'm not mad at you!" Cartman yelled. Butters stared at him. "I'm not! Now can we go play another board game or something?" He scratched the back of his head.

Butters stood up and smiled. "Okay."

. . . . .

The two grew tired of board games and went through all the props back stage and found a few scripts. They acted out scenes from these plays together and even took turns saying monologues on stage while the other watched from the audience's seat.

When it was getting close to midnight the two were sitting together again on stage, giggling at all their silly stage acting.

"I'm hungry," Eric complained as he was lying down.

"There's half a sandwich and a chocolate strawberry left," Butters said, pulling out both from the basket. He handed both to the brunette.

"Aren't you hungry too?" He grabbed the food from Butters.

"No, I'm okay."

Carefully, Eric split the half of the sandwich in half and handed it to Butters. Then he bit half of the strawberry and gave the other half to him as well.

"Thank you," Butters said softly, eating his half of the meal. Cartman just nodded.

Eric yawned and rolled over so his back was to Butters. "G'night."

"Good night," Butters replied.

He took off his sweated and folded it neatly to use it as a pillow and drifted off to sleep.

Cartman, still awake, turned to look at him and noticed that Butters was shivering in his sleep. He took off his own jacket and placed it on top of the blond like a blanket. He turned back around and fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Enjoy, Reviews are nice, I own nothing.**

When they woke up in the morning they realized they were cuddling close together, both sharing Butters' sweater as a pillow and Eric's jacket as a blanket. Either only had a moment to register how close they were together when they heard a loud noise outside and sat up.

The side door opened and a fireman walked in.

"There are kids in here," he called out to the people outside. "Hey, are you kids all right?"

Both still groggy, they rubbed their eyes and nodded.

"Come on, let's get you two out of here."

. . . . .

They had put on their sweaters again and were standing next to the fire truck with blankets wrapped around them. They were both looking down at their feet, not quite sure what to say.

"I had a lot of fun last night," Butters said, sheepishly.

"I did too," Eric confessed.

"I should be heading home, my parents are probably worried about me."

"Me too."

Butters turned around to walk home, but then turned back around and quickly gave Eric a peck on the cheek before running off.

Cartman was stunned, but he put his hand to his cheek and found that he was smiling.

"Works every time," Cupid-Me said, bow and arrows in hand, hovering just above Cartman.

"You asshole! Did you shoot me with your stupid fucking arrows?" Cartman turned to him and growled. He leapt to try to capture the flying creature, but he was just out of reach.

"Nope. What you're feeling is coming from yourself, fag," Cupid-Me giggled. "Kiss my ass." And with that he floated away.

All Cartman could do was stare as Cupid-Me floated away, his hands in fists and his whole body trembling in rage. He was fucked.


	5. Chapter 5

**The last chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed the ride while it lasted! **

**Enjoy, reviews are nice, I own nothing.**

"Have you seen Cartman and Butters at all today?" Token asked Kyle.

He, Stan, and Kenny congregated around the redhead's locker the next morning.

"No, why?"

"The plan worked a little too well," Stan said.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

Before anyone could reply, Cartman and Butters walked by, hand-in-hand, and stopped in front of Kyle's locker.

"You owe me twenty bucks you fucking Jew!" Eric pointed at him, but Kyle was too distracted staring at Cartman and Butters holding hands.

"Are you two going out?" Kyle blurted.

"Don't change the subject! You owe me twenty bucks!"

"I don't owe you shit, idiot!" Kyle shouted back, getting his bearings.

Butters pulled Cartman away. "Eric, let's just go. I think he gave you something better than money, anyway."

"You owe me twenty bucks," he said one last time before walking away with Butters.

"Holy shit, dude," Kyle laughed when the couple was out of earshot.

"Yep," Token said. "What exactly were we trying to accomplish here again? Because instead of teaching Cartman a lesson, we did him a favor and got him a boyfriend." With that, he walked away.

"I'm happy for them," Kenny said.

"Me too," Stan agreed.

"Who'da thought the whole 'locking two people in a place over night' thing would work on Cartman and Butters?" Kyle said, happy for his friend as well.


End file.
